You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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