dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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