I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
