the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
