I skipped work to stalk him.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
