that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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