i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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