dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
