that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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