i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
