Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
