That's when you crack a 10am beer
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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