Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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