The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
