Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
