apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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