Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
