Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
