omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize