I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
