I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
