yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
