So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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