Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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