i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
