I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
