some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
