Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
