i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Alive.
So much puke
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
