I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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