He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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