my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
