I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
