it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
3pm strippers are depressing
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
