Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
