My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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