I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
