toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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