Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
