this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
