nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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