We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
