did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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