bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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