ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
