I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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