i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
