Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
pray to the hookup gods
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
