I accidentally had phone sex last night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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