i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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