plz talk dirty to me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
