I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
