He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
