Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
