and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
