I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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