You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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