He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
