bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize