Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
