It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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