I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
