i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i think my cat just said my name.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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