Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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