she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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