it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
