then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
