No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
