I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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