Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
