oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
