sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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