Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
