please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
