He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
