Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
