I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
