Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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