if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize