She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
