Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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