Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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