I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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