did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
