Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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