Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
