You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
