Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
