Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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