While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
