Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
