did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
