If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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